Smothered

This is probably a late post since the following happened yesterday but I was too busy playing Facebook games and couldn’t gather my thoughts that well.  But since it has been bugging me, I guess I have to write it out to let off some pressure.   Or something like that.

We have a family friend who is very nice and very doting to the point that she is being too smothering – probably, worse than my own mother.  And sometimes too intrusive especially about my current relationship. I knew she was having problems of her own which is more serious than mine.  And she’s probably projecting her problems on me.

Well, yesterday, there was an afternoon church event where they have this spiritual healing mass at 4pm.  She was inviting me to go with her but I couldn’t commit to her because primarily, I don’t want to attend those things.  Secondly, I get off from work not earlier than 5pm because I don’t want to have any transactions put on hold because I was not available.

Other people can do my work, but I don’t want to get paid for doing nothing.

Well, she wasn’t able to go.  The reason was because I wasn’t able to go with her.  I was kind of irritated because I don’t see any reason why she should put this on my shoulders.  She couldn’t accept that I can’t go and have to work on a workday.  I couldn’t drop everything just because she made the call.  I could do that for my parents or my siblings or my nephew or my boyfriend but not for anyone else.

And then worse comes to worst, she subtly threatened to kill herself.  What a way to put as serious as this on my shoulder. That night (that was yesterday night), I promptly wrote to her daughter who was younger than I am.  It’s because I just couldn’t wave off without care someone who just might be suicidal.  But I’m not sure if she has read my mail yet.  Or maybe she is ignoring me because of what happened.  After all, I wasn’t able to accompany her mother to the church event because I was working… like her.

The truth is I am in no position to help anyone right now.  I’m still struggling in making my life a little better than what it is right now.  I’m not complaining about my life though.  It is pretty good but I was hoping that I could accomplish things that I could be proud off without anyone pushing me or expecting me to do.  But with people like her, I’m not sure if I could focus on the good things in my life.  Instead, she is beginning to be a negative energy instead of being a good one.

I feel bad somehow for thinking this way.  She is a good person but there’s something manipulative about how she suggest things to me.  I feel like she wants to run my life.   And I don’t want anyone to run my life for me.  Ask my parents or my boyfriend.  They couldn’t get me on a leash if they wanted to.