Archive for the random Category

Holiday Gifts

Posted in random, Shopping on January 7, 2011 by hangingbridge

Last holiday season, I wasn’t able to go and shop because I had almost nothing to spend.  I wasn’t able to experience Christmas rush.  And I was so envious of the people who complained of the heavy traffic on the road because it was that season again.  The worse thing was I wasn’t able to go to church at all. 

But even though I wasn’t able to enjoy the season like I used to, I am fully aware of all the saving graces of everyday.  And the gifts I received was an extra plus. 

It never fails.  I always get a book every Christmas.  This one is about Nicholas Flamel.  I first heard the name in a Harry Potter movie and was uttered by Hermione herself.  I understand that the book is fiction but the characters, especially Nick himself, are based on people who actually lived – and whose death remained a mystery.  Book review to follow.  Although, I’m not sure if I’m going to enjoy a children’s book as much as before. 

My mother had her holiday trip to Hong Kong with some of her shopping friends.  I reminded her not to join tour buses though.  She brought me home a cologne from L’Occitane.  I’ve been introduced to their lotions before but I haven’t tried their cologne.  All I can say about it is  that it’s the freshest scent I’ve ever encountered yet.  So it scores a pass.

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My Personality

Posted in random on October 8, 2010 by hangingbridge

The Years I Thought I Have Forgotten

Posted in random with tags , , , on March 9, 2010 by hangingbridge

I have grown up feeling all alone even if I’m surrounded by so many people.  I may be socially incapable of connecting with others on a higher level from that of the superficial friendship I had with my girlfriends.  I didn’t feel that I belonged even if I was branded to be in that group of people.  There are times when I pity myself for feeling so out of place.  And there are times when I’m so proud of myself that I can actually stand on my own (with all the concealed help of benefactors – that I want to give recognition to every single day).

I remembered how hard high school was for me for the first two years.  Everyone had forgotten old grade school friends and most has grown into the group they want to belong.  I didn’t belong to anyone.   I was walking towards the library doors once the dismissal bell rings.  I was so happy in the library.  Now, this probably certifies that I’m definitely a dork.  The highlight of my freshman year was that I was still afraid of this tomboyish batch mate since she and her friend terrorized me during the 7th grade.

A momentary flashback.  During the 7th grade, I was always having tummy pains every morning when my dad drives us to school.  I was always anxious.  This 7th grader was always looking at me funny.  Okay, I don’t want to play coy.  She (yes, a she) had a certain crush on me from a lot of not-so-subtle signs (not symptoms) that was thrown my way.  Being tomboy in this all-girls exclusive school made you very popular and this girl is one of the most popular just because she can’t make up her mind about her gender.  And the fact that there was someone looking at me made me a nervous wreck.  This girl(s) was sitting behind me in class for one whole year.  They keep a lot of quiet noise during class that made it hard for me to concentrate.  And sometimes, these noises were directed at me that I couldn’t help but turn around to watch my back.  At that time, I was praying to be invisible… if I wasn’t invisible enough.

The trauma from the previous year carried on the next year – that was Freshman year.   The following Sophomore year was a bit tolerable since I found my own circle of friends to whom I don’t have anything in common with.  They have so many things going on for them and I don’t have any.  I thought I was the most boring of them all.  They call me “bato” or rock, in plain English, because I embody the character of a rock – feeling, saying, doing nothing.  People had to kick you in order that you get somewhere.  That’s me.  The Rock.

Oh before I forget, I remember during Sophomore year that there was another tomboyish girl (that’s how far we can go if we would like to mingle with the opposite sex on those days) who, they said was smitten by me.  Well, this time I was also smitten by her.  This one girl hangs out in the library because I was there.  (I’m telling this story modesty aside.)  I haven’t seen her in the library before but at that time I noticed her because she waited for me to get inside while holding the door for me.  She was waiting for around 10 seconds because I was still 10 feet away from the door.  I found it odd at first.  And then, I kept seeing her around.  She was a Junior that time, one year older.  I told a couple of my friends about her.  And they also noted that she was there when I was there.  Well, it didn’t get very far though.  Nothing actually happened.  Because I still had my senses intact.  I wasn’t going to get into a relationship with a girl just because it was cool in school at that time.

The thing was, I was just trying to identify myself from them.  I was keeping my distance which proves that I was socially incapable.  I couldn’t keep up with other people but myself.

The first two years was hard as I was trying to cope up with everyone.  I wasn’t entirely alone when you see me.  I was with a group of people but it was full of discomfort in my part.  I had to watch out for the words that comes out of my mouth or the content of what I was saying or the way I was handling everything.  I was too conscious.

This self-absorption became too much.  After the summer of Sophomore year, I was a different person.  I was a Junior and all I could think of I was almost out of that place.  I didn’t mind walking the halls alone.  I didn’t mind if the subjects were hard.  I didn’t mind if I’ve got nothing witty to say.  I just didn’t care.  It was very liberating not to care.  And then everyone didn’t matter – well, what they thought of me, that is.  And somehow I could sense that they realize they can’t really mess with me because I’m my own person.  Alas, I found myself in Junior year.

There was this girl who seemed to be competing with me for everyone’s attention in class.  I didn’t realize that in the future, she was going to be the ex-girlfriend of my first boyfriend.  Talk about yuck!  Well, if I found out that she was the ex of my first, then that first wouldn’t be the first.  I didn’t want anything previously used by her.  Back to Junior High.  People found me interesting Junior year.  They were laughing at my antics that I didn’t do for that purpose.  They were listening carefully at my reports in front of the class (and so are the teachers).  The time when I didn’t care, everyone cared.

I was keeping a low profile and still didn’t want to mingle but people seemed to want to mingle with me.  Probably, I didn’t really do my best in repelling people and sending them messages that I wanted to be left alone.  I was somehow part of the school in an ironic time when I didn’t care about it at all.

Well, this certain girl was somehow caring about what car our family has which was very odd because I knew we were poor and couldn’t compare to what she has.  She was also seeming to be trying to hard to fit in the groups that found me entertaining (Note that I’m not trying to be popular by being funny at that time because I was still the same old me during Junior year… only without the care and the too-conscious-about-myself).  You could now say that I really dislike this girl from the very start of Junior year.  I didn’t even know her before that.  Anyway, she was just one thing that ruined my Junior year and it was very minor, almost nonexistent if you ask me.
Senior year was nothing special.  Everyone was busy applying for college.  Some considerations were if the school had good-looking boys in them so La Salle and Ateneo were one in their top choices.  Some sensible people were choosing schools based on the course they were taking.  Some were choosing based on the basketball team playing in the local/national level.  I didn’t choose any college.  I applied on almost all of them except for one school – La Salle where in I have to be superficially rich to enter.  I didn’t want all my four years to be like high school so I didn’t even try to take their entrance exams.

So far, that is what I remembered during my high school years.  I’m probably suppressing other very significant (but too embarrassing to mention) events of  those four grueling years of high school.

I can’t seem to be fair with high school students these days.  I am not even sympathetic of what they were going through.  Maybe because I know they will find better days soon.  And all those bad days in high school will soon be forgotten or missed.  Either way, they will soon come to pass.  And it will never be trekked again.  So all I could say to them is enjoy the hardships of today because it is nothing compared to what the future is going to bring.  The best thing about the future though, is you know how to handle these issues about yourself better than you did in high school because they will have a better perspective about life.

We all grow up. And we may bring both good and bad memories from those years.  Today will become a memory tomorrow.  Good memories makes you hold on to the past and bad ones makes you look forward to a better future.

You can’t undo these memories.  You may want to reminisce on them or not.  If you can’t keep them out of your system, don’t dwell on it.  Or else, we all get stuck in High School.

My Anxiety Attacks These Days

Posted in random, Travel with tags , , , , , , on March 4, 2010 by hangingbridge

The year 2010 has been topped of by the Haiti earthquake in January with a magnitude of 7.0 that toppled infrastructures killing hundreds of people.  This month of February, the 8.8 magnitude earthquake that hit Chile also killing hundreds of people but less than that of Haiti.  The day after Chile’s earthquake, we had one up north Luzon at a magnitude of 5 and the next day, another earthquake hit Cagayan of a magnitude of 6.

After Chile’s 8.8 earthquake, authorities warned people of incoming tsunamis that are to hit nearby countries.  Every one was asked to evacuate.  After the tsunamis hitting Phuket Thailand years ago, they were taking this warning very seriously.  I for one, asked my father if we should go to higher ground for awhile since, if you look in the map, our country is very small (in relation to other countries) and a wave could easily wipe us out or so it seems. But there was no tsunami that hit this part of the globe.  Praise God.

Every time I get ready for work and every time I enter our office building, I ask myself if this could be that day that I, myself will experience these earthquakes.  Somehow, in this country, infrastructures cannot be relied on to be built with utmost safety. We have been known for graft and corruption in the government.  And so, people with money could get a building permit even without the qualifications.  They could get occupancy permits they want without their buildings inspected and approved to have the basic standards.  So I don’t trust any buildings here in city.

I’ve been seeing images of a building situated in China that I probably saw in the news which toppled like a domino.  It didn’t crumbled down but the whole thing fell on its side.  I was wondering if the building was just glued to the ground.

I was washing dishes in the pantry a few days back and I felt a slight tremor on the ground.  My heart palpitated and I was ready to run for cover.  We are at the fourth floor and there are 28 floors above us.  I don’t think there’s anywhere to run to unless out of the window.

I’m always hoping that my parents don’t stay too long in the office.  I want them to go somewhere else or stay home.  I’ve been having thoughts that they’d be in the office when the earthquake strikes.  I don’t want that to happen. But I couldn’t push them out of the office doors because of a fear I have.  Sometimes, I forget to pray even though I call out the Lord’s name in my mind during sudden call for help.  And there are times, when I become fatalistic and don’t ask for safety from Him anymore.  But mostly, I do call Him for help in everything – especially the ones that I could not control.

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We’re off to Dos Palmas in Puerto Princesa this month.  I’ve never been to Palawan and after seeing the pictures in the internet about the resort, I encouraged my parents that we take our vacation there.  It was very provincial and seemed quiet.  I was excited a few days ago about our upcoming out-of-town get away.  But recently, I started getting anxious about the place. (I do have a mental problem, don’t I?)

This is where the terrorist group kidnapped vacationers a few years back who kept the victims for more than a year, I think.  And this is where a young actor died of allegedly drug overdose.  The place, I realized, was a source of bad memories for a lot of people already.  And I don’t want that to happen to me or my family.

As I see the pictures in the net, not on their websites but those photos taken by the guests themselves, I’m slightly having second thought.  But it’s too late now because we already paid our reservation of 4 days and 3 nights.

Maybe I could bring a Bible to read for comfort – to start the Holy Week early.

So Cool, A Link Into My Own Post

Posted in random with tags on November 16, 2009 by hangingbridge

A Website Posting My WordPress Blog Post

Upon checking my “referrals”, I happen to come across this website in which my own blog was featured.  I’m really honored.

Top 3 Ways I Don’t Want To Feel

Posted in random on July 31, 2009 by hangingbridge

This was inspired by a question in a certain local forum.  The thread in that forum got me into thinking.  And I got my top three.

Remorse.  Regret.  Jealousy.

Unfortunately, no matter what I do, there isn’t a year that has passed that I don’t encounter these most unpleasant feelings.

I have a bad temper.  When I do have them, I throw a huge temper tantrum.  It’s disgusting and shameful display of uncontrollable anger considering that I’m already old enough to suppress these fits.  And during that temper tantrums, I say mean words that I don’t really mean.

Remorse.  When someone asks for my help and I turn down the chance to do something for this person, I feel really bad about myself.  I mean I don’t get a chance to help out everyday, a chance that could actually redeem a part of my soul.

Remorse.  Buddha says, “The tongue like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood”.  Most of the time, I feel remorse from the words I speak out.  It seems that at that time, it was the best thing I could think of saying.  And then, a few hours after, I realize that it was the worst thing I could say at that moment.  This is the reason why it is better for me to write what I want to say.  Because by writing, I could review and edit what I need to replace or remove from a phrase before the other person could even read it.  I don’t have the gift of gab.  And probably, I’m just not diplomatic enough.

Remorse.  I don’t intend to make fun of people.  Unfortunately, it happens.  I don’t like demeaning any of them.  But there are those time when I find it so appealing to do just that.  It’s not that I’m hateful or anything.  I just find them amusing to the point that I’m mocking them.  It’s a no-no.  Fortunately enough, I have more self control than ever.
– – – – Going to finish this when I come back on Sunday

My Favorite Quote

Posted in Quotes, random with tags , on July 26, 2009 by hangingbridge

The seat of knowledge is in the head; of wisdom, in the heart; We are sure to judge wrong if we don’t feel right. – W.Hazlitt

That is probably the best quote I’ve ever encountered.  I don’t know who William Hazlitt was but he got my sentiments on how I plan to run my life.

We were all given the capacity to think for ourselves to survive.  And when we ask God for so many things, he might be saying, “You’re equipped with a brain, aren’t you?”.  To think for ourselves and to take responsibility for every action we take is how we’re supposed to make use of this God-given gift.  I always tell myself that what I learn as I go along should enable me.  Enable me to differentiate what is good and what is bad.  Enable me to judge who to trust and who to avoid.  Enable me to identify what to share and what to keep.  Enable me to know what to take and what not to take.

Wisdom should overpower our instincts.  We cannot act upon our impulses without thinking and without examining ourselves and the consequences.  We can’t live our lives without consideration for ourselves and for others.  Our wants are distinguished from our needs by wisdom.  If knowledge helps us know which is good and which is bad, wisdom helps us identify which is the right or the wrong step to take.

Modesty aside, I’m a well-equipped person.  It’s easy for me to apply for a job and get it.  And I’m always craving for something new to learn.  I welcome every learning opportunity that comes my way.  I crave to enhance myself.  I hate it when I’m enclosed into someone that I know is not the only thing I want.

I’ve been told that I have to run my life the way that an educated person do.  Eighty percent of my decision should be based on 80% brain wave and 20% heart rate.  But I beg to disagree.  I think I need to use 100% of my brain and 100% of my heart.  There should no compromise or else, we compromise how I should live my life.  And that is what I fear most.

I’ve been told that I would live for only 36 years.  If  that was true, there’s only 6 more years left of me.  Yikes!  That is why I want to live my life the way I see fit.  For the next 6 years, I’ve got so much tasks to do.  I don’t want to live my life in bitterness and in regret.  And people who seem to disagree how I live my life will need to understand that I don’t mean to hurt them at all.  I just want this short time on earth to be as fulfilling as possible.

If I keep thinking of what I should be, and planning all the time, there is no time for actual living left.  A special person, the most special of them all, has asked me to take everything slowly.  I wanted to get mad because it seems that I’m running my life on the shoulder lane where everything seemed to threaten to break down.  But I don’t want to slow down, because I’ve got little time left.

I’m not taking the prediction seriously but it is just so aggravating that someone is stopping me to live my life.  It is probably the hardest thing so far.  To want to live and worry at the same time.  I still worry that I’m hurting people with my actions.  But I’m hurting myself if I don’t do the things I’m about to do.

I wanted to be selfless but dear Lord, being selfless is so damn hard.  I’m still looking for a way to make people happy as well as myself.  I do hope that I’m well-equipped as I think I was.

There’s so many things to say still but I have to go to bed since it’s almost 3am and I’m going somewhere at 7am.  So, this one’s going to be continued some other time.