Archive for the My Baby and Me Category

I Can’t Stop Crying

Posted in family, My Baby and Me on February 13, 2011 by hangingbridge

The baptism was a disaster.

First of all, it was not my idea to have my kid baptized yet even though everyone keeps telling me that kids her age should have already been baptized.  She is 2 months old, by the way. 

I don’t conforme.  And I don’t care what tradition says.  I would like to get my daughter baptize when I feel it is time to have her baptized. 

But the elders are so annoyingly persistent that I have to agree eventually so that they can stop bugging me about it.  They keep saying that my kid may easily get “sick” and may be prone to “usog”  if I don’t have her baptized soon.  I have an entirely different belief about all of this but they just wouldn’t stop. 

Some people think they can just impose what they want on others.  It’s annoying and rude – especially when they’re not related to you. 

There’s this person who is a family friend who has been the root cause of all this.  She thinks she just can bully anyone with her beliefs.  I have been very polite but this is the last straw.  I am never going to talk to her again. 

Here’s what happened:

I wanted to have my kid baptized with both parents present.  That means me and Via’s papa.  That is why I kept putting the baptism on hold because we wanted to plan it ourselves. 

And here comes the worm who keeps crawling and interfering into our family.  She’s brainwashing my parents to get my daughter baptized as soon as possible as if it was a national emergency.  I told her my concern that Via’s papa may not be allowed to attend if my parents were to shoulder the baptism.  I told her and everyone else, including my mother, that I will only allow it if it’s OKAY to have my boyfriend attend the ceremony. 

When they said yes, I wonder if they knew the meaning of “okay” because in my mind, “okay” means there wouldn’t be any “pabigat sa loob nila” if Via’s papa was to attend.  I didn’t want to impose on my parents.  If they don’t want my boyfriend within hearing, smelling or seeing range, then I won’t have this baptism take place because we are in no rush!

So I thought all along that it was really okay with my parents.  So in a week’s time, my mother and I planned the baptism of my daughter while Via’s papa had the documents ready – birth certificate and permission from her parish.

S0 yesterday came. 

Via’s papa, upon reaching the church, saw my father and approached him to pay respects by making “mano“.  But my father took his hand away and told my bf something only a “matapobre” would say.  I have not known my father as such.  I knew he is a good person but this time, I thought otherwise.  I let it pass that time. 

When the ceremony was about to start, my parents walked out just because they saw my boyfriend carrying our baby.  It seemed to me that they walked out on my Via.  I wanted to take my baby out of the church by that time.  But thinking about the guests and the fact that I don’t want them to know what’s going on, I decided to endure the whole thing.  But tears were building up until I couldn’t contain them anymore.  I was wiping my tears just so no one would notice.  But my bestfriend, her husband and my bf noted that I was already crying. My back was turned to the other godparents and guests so they didn’t notice that I felt tortured at the moment. 

I thought that walking out on my anak during her baptism was the last straw.  I couldn’t understand why they have to lie to me about my boyfriend joining the ceremony being okay.  They could just have told the truth that it wasn’t and we wouldn’t be there in the first place.  It wouldn’t really matter to us anyway, if may anak would already be able to sit when she gets baptized.  Or it wouldn’t really matter if my bf and I were the only people when my Via gets baptized.  We really don’t need the luncheon after. 

Another terrible thing was my cousin, probably upon my mother’s orders, kept getting my daughter from my bf’s arms.  And when the ceremony was over, my cousin took my daughter and ran out of the church.  When I saw that, I really got mad and ran after her.  My mother was gesturing our driver to get the van quick.  I felt they wanted to get Via away. 

I am so mad thinking about it right now. How dare they take away my baby without permission?!  Sobrang galit ko kahapon.  I got my baby and got into the van myself.  And then I couldn’t contain it anymore.  I got, least to say, hysterical.  I was screaming at everyone who came near me and my baby.  I don’t know what came over me but I was screaming like I had Tourette’s syndrome.  All I remember were the words “Leche kayo”.  If the priest witnessed that scene, he would have fetched a liter of that holy water and poured them over me. 

They keep taking away my baby from me and her father.  Gusto ko talaga magwala pero sa sasakyan ko nalang binuhos.  I knew people can hear me scream inside the van only after it transpired but even so, I didn’t regret it one bit.

I keep telling everyone to get off the van because my baby and I were going straight home.  But them people insisted on staying inside to drive off for lunch to celebrate.  What the heck?  Can’t they sense that I’m in no mood for food that time? (One of those rare occasions)

When we reached the place where everyone was supposed to celebrate the Christening, I told everyone to go inside and that we will follow suit.  I was about to ask our driver to drive Via, Yaya and me back home when I saw a couple of my friends go inside the restaurant.  I did a double take.  I’m not hysterical enough to abandon people who I invited in the first place.  Medyo nakakahiya.  Parang natauhan ako bigla na there are other people here that I also need to attend to.  So I have to put peace and quiet on hold for another hour or so. 

During lunch, I stayed in the other function room away from my parents and the rest of my relatives.  I had friends with me who weren’t there during the baptism and therefore, had no idea what happened. 

… I was able to compose myself enough to smile in pictures and people who had nothing to do with how disastrous this supposed-to-be special day was.

… Also, Via’s father decided not to attend the luncheon and I also thought it was for the best.

Reunion

Posted in My Baby and Me on January 15, 2011 by hangingbridge

Usually, reunion denotes a gathering of a significant number of people.  Sometimes, you get to meet people you don’t even know existed.  Reunion is to strengthen the connection among people that you may have lost for quite sometime. 

Today, we are so lucky because Via and I met her father after three weeks since we last saw him.  We had a brief reunion.  In our case, our reunion consisted of just three people.  On the contrary, we never did lose our connection with each other.  I always thought that in our set-up, our longing to be together gets a lot stronger with each day we were away. 

He stopped by my parents house.  My parents went out of town and my younger siblings were at work.  I know I’m too old for sneaking around but it’s the only way to avoid any confrontation. 

He was so happy to hold his Via again and I’m so happy that Via and I could hold him back.  I hate the drama but we couldn’t help but get teary-eyed.  We miss each other so much. 

Teehee!  Excuse my drama.  It’s just that I’m so happy about today.  Oh by the way, he said I seemed thinner daw and that he didn’t like it.  He didn’t like it and said I needed to fatten up again.  I retorted that I need to fit in my old clothes again or else he was going to have to buy me a whole new wardrobe.

Baby Blues

Posted in Health, My Baby and Me on January 6, 2011 by hangingbridge

I don’t know how to take care of my baby.

I’ve seen other mothers who make it look so easy. 

We came from the hospital today for our follow-up with our respective doctors – Via with her pediatrician and I with my OB-Gynecologist.  I was there with my Via and was discussing the perfect health of my baby (thank you Lord).  And the doctor told me, after knowing how I take care of Via, that babies are more resilient than they seem so I don’t need to worry too much.

Dr. Palmero warned me about postpartum depression and how I am at risk if I keep doing what I do. 

I cried one time while taking care of my baby.  This happened one afternoon when I was so sleepy and so tired.  I suddenly started choking up with tears and then, I couldn’t contain it that I let myself cry.  I was so exhausted.  Note that my Via is relatively well behave and already has a routine.  The problem arises when I don’t let myself go to sleep without someone taking over my post.  I don’t want to go to sleep even if Via is already sleeping.  I was afraid that my daughter might wake up and cry and vomit her milk through her nose (which she does, now less frequently) without me noticing it.

Bottomline is I’m a neurotic mom already. 

It’s bad for me.  And if it’s bad for me, it’s also bad for my baby.  I truly hope I get out of this phase soon.  My body wouldn’t be able to take it for one whole year or two.

The doctor told me that I need to go out once in a while – away from my Via – for around an hour or two.  New moms tend to spend most of their time with their baby and no one else.  She’s not saying that it’s bad.  New moms may feel so confined and their world now only consist her and her baby.  For some, it is perfectly fine but for others, the set-up could feel so constrained.  These may pose a problem with the latter kind.  It predisposes anyone to depression. 

Honestly, I’d rather spend that hour or two in bed and get some very deep REM-filled sleep.

The change in lifestyle may be too overwhelming.

Dear Lord, I am so tired.  I’m going to bed at 5:30am which is a two hours from now when the nanny will take over my post.  (Poor nanny.  She’s being dragged into my neurotic baby care method.)  And then she will wake me up at 8am so that I can give my baby a bath.  Parang gusto ko tumawad ng 8:30am.

Christmas 2010

Posted in My Baby and Me on December 28, 2010 by hangingbridge

I don’t know what to make about my Christmas celebration.  I made the choice of spending Christmas away from my family and spending it with my new one.   I left my parents’ house on the 24th with my baby Via.  We went straight to her father’s apartment nearby.  It has been three months since I left the apartment and I was so happy to come back (even just for 24 hours). 

Once we were there, baby Via took over the place with all her stuff.  We basically made the apartment messy.  The 24-hour stay extended to 48 hours.  We stayed until the 26th.  I know that her father’s happy that we were there.  But I’m sure, he was pretty tired during that time.

Our noche buena as a family consisted of hawaiian pizza, palabok, spaghetti, fried chicken, pineapple juice and buco salad ice cream.  We ate early and we didn’t bother waking up at 12 midnight.  But even so, we were basically awake almost every hour because of Via.

I guess that was the best gift this Christmas – to be a complete family even just for a short while. 

excuse him for not wearing a shirt... if only I knew how to use photoshop

Via and Me

When I got home, Christmas was over.  And I guess everybody wasn’t too happy that I left and preferrd to spend Christmas somewhere else they didn’t want me to be.  But even now, I knew I had made the right choice to spend our first Christmas together as new parents.We didn’t even have Christmas decorations at our apartment but it surely felt like Christmas none the less. 
I didn’t utter the words but I was very happy that Via can spend time with her father.  I was afraid her papa would forget her eventually if they could not spend time for long. When we got home, Via had her gifts on her bed.  And of course, momma was the one who opened them as if it were hers. these were from her tita Che

and so are these...

 

and these were from her lola mommy

I didn’t bother taking pictures of the Christmas decor at my parents home because I didn’t spend Christmas day here anyway.  On New Year’s Day maybe because we will be spending it here.  Via’s papa needs to stay in the apartment doing all the superstitious stuff he needs to do to make sure that the coming year is somehow lucky for all of us.

Baby Photos (At Less Than One Month Old)

Posted in My Baby and Me on December 20, 2010 by hangingbridge

sleeping like her momma -- mouth open

 

squeaky toy giraffe by her feet lent by tita Che

 

Holding on to each other... oh happiness!

 

prim and proper even while asleep

 

bagong ligo 🙂

 

Good Morning Via-ia!

Keeping My Word

Posted in family, My Baby and Me on December 19, 2010 by hangingbridge

Okay here’s the thing.  Three weeks ago, when baby Via’s surname was still up for discussion, my mom and I agreed to three things.  One, my daughter will still have my surname since her father and I are still not yet married and because my side keep insisting that it should be so.  Two, that Via’s father will still have the right to provide for her and see her and act as her father.  Three, that we will be spending Christmas eve at OUR home and not in my parents’ home.  I agreed to the first and my mother agreed to the latter two. 

Here we were (my boyfriend and I), planning for our Christmas eve with our daughter when all along, my mother wasn’t planning to hold up her end of the bargain.  She just told the nurse this morning that someone still has to go on duty on the 24th.  I told her that we weren’t going to be here on the 24th because Via and I were leaving that day. 

The argument was short-lived.  Apparently, my mother along with my dad and sister were talking about it during breakfast awhile ago.  And the maid heard them talking.  According to the maid, it seems that my dad has given his go-signal.  (Thank you Lord for my father!) 

And so, the plan is under way.  I’m going to spend my first Christmas eve with my own family.

On the other hand, I’d really hate for my parents to think that I’m very ungrateful for all the help they have provided us.  I wanted to spend Christmas with the whole family but “whole family” to me now means it includes the father of my Via.  And my parents are going to blow their top off if  Via’s father goes as much as outside of our gates.  This is the only compromise I can think of in order to give in to everyone –  I’m not going to invite the Via’s father over for Christmas in order to respect my parents wishes; instead, Via and I are going to her father in our own home. 

So, hopefully, everyone will be happy. 

I sent a message to my mother yesterday saying “Sana sa 24 and 25, ceasefire muna”.  I hope she complies.  🙂

Bringing Joy At Home

Posted in My Baby and Me on December 14, 2010 by hangingbridge
I have been away from home for the past 6 months (starting June 2010).  I have been in four different homes, 2 abroad and 2 here in the country.  All because I was pregnant.  Unwanted pregnancy for others, planned pregnancy for me.  I haven’t been in my own room until 2 weeks ago when I brought my baby home.  I thought I wasn’t going back in this place anymore.  Everyone failed to keep me at a distance because of my mom who wanted me back.  You may sense that there’s a lot of drama going on.  You sense it right. 
I recall that I felt odd of going back inside the house, more so my room.  I knew I wasn’t welcome with the rest of the house and the people in it.  When I step back in my room, I felt that I’m stepping into a guest room.  Everything was familiar but I felt that I don’t own anything in it.  Like it wasn’t my place anymore. 
Sheeesh!  Excuse my drama. 
The worse thing about staying in this house is that I felt really bad about my baby being ignored by the rest of my family.  I don’t mind being ignored because I’m used to it.  But it’s a different thing when my baby is involved.  I can’t help but compare when my nephew was brought home for the first time.  Everyone was doting on him including his favorite aunt (which is me).  And then here’s Via who has no visitors. 
 

Me and Via in my old room

 

I have to thank my mother.  She is the one who’s matyaga to visit us every now and then.   I know it’s no fun for everyone that I’m back home bringing my baby without a husband (because they wouldn’t allow the father to come visit).  I just have to understand where they are all coming from. 

(I realize now that the title is a little bit inappropriate with the content)

Few days ago, Via had to be brought to my sister’s room where there is a lot of morning sunlight (which she needs badly because there’s not so much in my own room).  When Via came back, the nanny had so many toys in her hand.  She told me that my sister took out my nephew’s old infant toys out of the cabinet to lend it to my Via.   I was really happy for what she did.  It may mean nothing for her but it meant a lot to me.

Mommy with my baby Via at 7 in the morning

I’m not allowing myself to settle in this house though.  Once I get back on my feet, I’m going back to our (my and my bf’s) apartment.  And I can’t wait for Christmas because that’s where we are going to spend it.  Mommy told me it’s up to me where I want to spend Christmas.  I just hope she didn’t have her selective amnesia mode on.  She tends to do that, believe me. 

I just hope everyone is going to be happy about it though.  I don’t want to irate anyone on Christmas day. 

I love my mother.  And I’m very thankful for all the help she’s providing me.  But I’m also cautious in taking help from her because it’s going to blow up in my face when the time comes that I would do what I want instead of what she wants. 

Off to The Doctor's Office