I Can’t Stop Crying

The baptism was a disaster.

First of all, it was not my idea to have my kid baptized yet even though everyone keeps telling me that kids her age should have already been baptized.  She is 2 months old, by the way. 

I don’t conforme.  And I don’t care what tradition says.  I would like to get my daughter baptize when I feel it is time to have her baptized. 

But the elders are so annoyingly persistent that I have to agree eventually so that they can stop bugging me about it.  They keep saying that my kid may easily get “sick” and may be prone to “usog”  if I don’t have her baptized soon.  I have an entirely different belief about all of this but they just wouldn’t stop. 

Some people think they can just impose what they want on others.  It’s annoying and rude – especially when they’re not related to you. 

There’s this person who is a family friend who has been the root cause of all this.  She thinks she just can bully anyone with her beliefs.  I have been very polite but this is the last straw.  I am never going to talk to her again. 

Here’s what happened:

I wanted to have my kid baptized with both parents present.  That means me and Via’s papa.  That is why I kept putting the baptism on hold because we wanted to plan it ourselves. 

And here comes the worm who keeps crawling and interfering into our family.  She’s brainwashing my parents to get my daughter baptized as soon as possible as if it was a national emergency.  I told her my concern that Via’s papa may not be allowed to attend if my parents were to shoulder the baptism.  I told her and everyone else, including my mother, that I will only allow it if it’s OKAY to have my boyfriend attend the ceremony. 

When they said yes, I wonder if they knew the meaning of “okay” because in my mind, “okay” means there wouldn’t be any “pabigat sa loob nila” if Via’s papa was to attend.  I didn’t want to impose on my parents.  If they don’t want my boyfriend within hearing, smelling or seeing range, then I won’t have this baptism take place because we are in no rush!

So I thought all along that it was really okay with my parents.  So in a week’s time, my mother and I planned the baptism of my daughter while Via’s papa had the documents ready – birth certificate and permission from her parish.

S0 yesterday came. 

Via’s papa, upon reaching the church, saw my father and approached him to pay respects by making “mano“.  But my father took his hand away and told my bf something only a “matapobre” would say.  I have not known my father as such.  I knew he is a good person but this time, I thought otherwise.  I let it pass that time. 

When the ceremony was about to start, my parents walked out just because they saw my boyfriend carrying our baby.  It seemed to me that they walked out on my Via.  I wanted to take my baby out of the church by that time.  But thinking about the guests and the fact that I don’t want them to know what’s going on, I decided to endure the whole thing.  But tears were building up until I couldn’t contain them anymore.  I was wiping my tears just so no one would notice.  But my bestfriend, her husband and my bf noted that I was already crying. My back was turned to the other godparents and guests so they didn’t notice that I felt tortured at the moment. 

I thought that walking out on my anak during her baptism was the last straw.  I couldn’t understand why they have to lie to me about my boyfriend joining the ceremony being okay.  They could just have told the truth that it wasn’t and we wouldn’t be there in the first place.  It wouldn’t really matter to us anyway, if may anak would already be able to sit when she gets baptized.  Or it wouldn’t really matter if my bf and I were the only people when my Via gets baptized.  We really don’t need the luncheon after. 

Another terrible thing was my cousin, probably upon my mother’s orders, kept getting my daughter from my bf’s arms.  And when the ceremony was over, my cousin took my daughter and ran out of the church.  When I saw that, I really got mad and ran after her.  My mother was gesturing our driver to get the van quick.  I felt they wanted to get Via away. 

I am so mad thinking about it right now. How dare they take away my baby without permission?!  Sobrang galit ko kahapon.  I got my baby and got into the van myself.  And then I couldn’t contain it anymore.  I got, least to say, hysterical.  I was screaming at everyone who came near me and my baby.  I don’t know what came over me but I was screaming like I had Tourette’s syndrome.  All I remember were the words “Leche kayo”.  If the priest witnessed that scene, he would have fetched a liter of that holy water and poured them over me. 

They keep taking away my baby from me and her father.  Gusto ko talaga magwala pero sa sasakyan ko nalang binuhos.  I knew people can hear me scream inside the van only after it transpired but even so, I didn’t regret it one bit.

I keep telling everyone to get off the van because my baby and I were going straight home.  But them people insisted on staying inside to drive off for lunch to celebrate.  What the heck?  Can’t they sense that I’m in no mood for food that time? (One of those rare occasions)

When we reached the place where everyone was supposed to celebrate the Christening, I told everyone to go inside and that we will follow suit.  I was about to ask our driver to drive Via, Yaya and me back home when I saw a couple of my friends go inside the restaurant.  I did a double take.  I’m not hysterical enough to abandon people who I invited in the first place.  Medyo nakakahiya.  Parang natauhan ako bigla na there are other people here that I also need to attend to.  So I have to put peace and quiet on hold for another hour or so. 

During lunch, I stayed in the other function room away from my parents and the rest of my relatives.  I had friends with me who weren’t there during the baptism and therefore, had no idea what happened. 

… I was able to compose myself enough to smile in pictures and people who had nothing to do with how disastrous this supposed-to-be special day was.

… Also, Via’s father decided not to attend the luncheon and I also thought it was for the best.

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21 Responses to “I Can’t Stop Crying”

  1. how are you na sis? I hope you feel much better now. poor Via. I hope she doesn’t absorb any of those negativity and always be religious in heart and mind, in words and in action.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      feeling much better na sis. nailabas ko na yata lahat kahapon 🙂 And hoping that Via will not be affected negatively about all this.

  2. aww.. be strong sis. *hugs*

  3. ang early naman ng binyag ni baby V. what i know is 1 year old ang medyo ok na binyag time kasi nakikita na ng baby yung mga balloons at si jollibee? dapat ate sinabi mo 1 year old dapat ang binyag time kasi yun yung uso ngayon.

    dont worry teh! everything is going to be ok! lilipas din yan, bukas may bago na namang chismis. stay away from “the family friend”. out of sight, out of mind.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      Yes I will avoid talking to that family “friend” again. Sobra. Umiinit ulo ko pag naaalala ko how she pushes everyone around.

  4. Be strong,sis. It is the time you have to be clear with your family on what you want and what you think is best for you baby. You are a mother now, with your own family. Regardless if you are staying with your parents or not, your decisions must now be based primarily for the good of your child, not what your parents or relatives want.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      It’s harder to make decisions kasi I need to make sure that Via will be okay in the end. There’s no room for mistakes now that I’m a mother. That’s a great pressure to put upon anyone, I know. But I will try.

  5. grabe naman yan! bilib ako sayo at nakayanan mo pang umattend ng reception, hats off to your bf as well. im hoping din that in time, maaayos na yang problem mo with your family. take care sis!

    • hangingbridge Says:

      Before, I still have hope na they will eventually accept him. Pero right now, parang nauubusan na ko ng pag-asa. Just so sad na hindi na pwede maging happy ang everyone pag dating sa pag-aasawa ko. Oh well. I just need to take everything more lightly. Dapat ganun na lang siguro.

  6. Now I know the whole story, I saw the photo story in your other blog first kasi. Aw sis, my heart reaches out to you. Kailangan mo lang maging matatag lagi, and try to assert yourself a bit more I guess? Ayoko i badmouth and relatives mo pero napaka sama naman ng mga ginawa nila, maayos naman, respectful and tahimik lang si BF mo eh. Hugs sis.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      yup medyo masama talaga ginawa nila. Yesterday morning, kumukulo pa rin ang dugo ko kaya napatawag tuloy ako sa pinsan ko tapos binuhos ko sama ng loob ko sa kanya. Pero grabe, ayaw niyang umamin masama ginawa niya kahapon. Grabe talaga. Hindi naman kasi likas na masama mga relatives ko lalo na parents ko kaya hindi di ko matanggap nagawa nila yun last saturday.

  7. Wala akong masabi expect ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo sis. Sana maayos na din ang lahat.

  8. nalungkot naman ako sis when I read your story. nasaktan daw ako. 😦
    i hope you’re okay na and Via. sorry to hear about the disaster. hoping things will be better soon. 🙂

  9. Oh God, that was really bad indeed. I could totally understand why you lost it. Gotta hand it to you though, you were still able to pull yourself together even after that outburst. I would have run back home or away, had it been me in your shoes then. You did great sis. 🙂 Congrats on your baby girl!

  10. hangingbridge Says:

    hi girls, thanks for your empathies 🙂 I’m better now. I’ve got a sense of direction at last. After what transpired that day, I now know what I have to do for my own family. 🙂

  11. Hello sis. Di ko to nabasa agad. Medyo late reaction ako. I feel bad for you and your baby. I think I could’ve done the same thing kung sa akin nangyari yun. Grrrr.. naiinis ako doon sa pinsan mo at sa parents mo. Sorry po. Anyway, I pray for your and Via. Pls be strong.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      okay na ko sis. Konti pa and immune na ko sa mga ginagawa and gagawin pa nila 🙂 Yup kainis nga talaga. Instead of having a sincere and happy Christening, parang bad idea pa tuloy yun.

  12. sabi nga sis, whatever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. good nailabas mo ang galit mo, ako din sigurado sisigaw bcoz of frustration. minsan may mga times talaga na maiisip mo mahirap magpalaki ng magulang, happened to me a lot of times. pero respect pa din ang ibigay natin, kasi we don’t want our child to disrespect us also later on 🙂

    hoping you can follow and link up if you haven’t yet =)
    online journal
    my soltero baby

  13. hi sis. how are you doing na? just to let you know, i’ve tagged in one of my posts:

    http://brainsnapshots.wordpress.com/2011/03/05/ive-been-awarded-woot/

    🙂

  14. hang in there roanne. bilib naman ako sa guts mo sana ganyan din ako hehe

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