Baby Blues

I don’t know how to take care of my baby.

I’ve seen other mothers who make it look so easy. 

We came from the hospital today for our follow-up with our respective doctors – Via with her pediatrician and I with my OB-Gynecologist.  I was there with my Via and was discussing the perfect health of my baby (thank you Lord).  And the doctor told me, after knowing how I take care of Via, that babies are more resilient than they seem so I don’t need to worry too much.

Dr. Palmero warned me about postpartum depression and how I am at risk if I keep doing what I do. 

I cried one time while taking care of my baby.  This happened one afternoon when I was so sleepy and so tired.  I suddenly started choking up with tears and then, I couldn’t contain it that I let myself cry.  I was so exhausted.  Note that my Via is relatively well behave and already has a routine.  The problem arises when I don’t let myself go to sleep without someone taking over my post.  I don’t want to go to sleep even if Via is already sleeping.  I was afraid that my daughter might wake up and cry and vomit her milk through her nose (which she does, now less frequently) without me noticing it.

Bottomline is I’m a neurotic mom already. 

It’s bad for me.  And if it’s bad for me, it’s also bad for my baby.  I truly hope I get out of this phase soon.  My body wouldn’t be able to take it for one whole year or two.

The doctor told me that I need to go out once in a while – away from my Via – for around an hour or two.  New moms tend to spend most of their time with their baby and no one else.  She’s not saying that it’s bad.  New moms may feel so confined and their world now only consist her and her baby.  For some, it is perfectly fine but for others, the set-up could feel so constrained.  These may pose a problem with the latter kind.  It predisposes anyone to depression. 

Honestly, I’d rather spend that hour or two in bed and get some very deep REM-filled sleep.

The change in lifestyle may be too overwhelming.

Dear Lord, I am so tired.  I’m going to bed at 5:30am which is a two hours from now when the nanny will take over my post.  (Poor nanny.  She’s being dragged into my neurotic baby care method.)  And then she will wake me up at 8am so that I can give my baby a bath.  Parang gusto ko tumawad ng 8:30am.

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8 Responses to “Baby Blues”

  1. Sis you can ask for somebody to take care of your daughter like her father or any nearest relative you could ask for. I’m not a mother so I could not relate what you are feeling now, but you have to take care of yourself kasi ikaw din ang mahihirapan. And the more you let your feelings control you the more it will not gone. At least give some me-time to pamper yourself.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      It’s just too bad that we have to live separately from her father right now. But eventually, we’ll be going back to her papa’s place… soon I hope. Even if other people is already watching over, I tend to wake up whenever she makes a sound. I do need to sleep in another room. 😛

  2. you worry to much sis! your doctor is right, try to spend a little time (kahit 1 hr lang) by yourself. ask your partner for help din in taking care of baby via.

    i had a friend who suffered post partum disorder, she can’t get herself to look at her baby for a month! that was terrible.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      I’m the exact opposite… I couldn’t leave her alone. Pero sana hindi na umabot sa pathologic condition nangyayari sa kin… sana ordinary case of burn out lang. The good thing about this is I appreciate my parents more. 🙂

  3. Sis, easy ka lang. Ganyan talaga kapag new mommy. I was feeling a little depressed nong kakapanganak ko lang but I turned into blogging and talking to hubby and friends. You need a break. Like what your OB said, pwede din talaga maiwasan yan sis. It’s all in the mind kasi kung hahayaan mo ang sarili mo, talagang madadala ka. Take enough sleep and rest. Don’t push yourself into taking care of Via if you do not have the energy. Ask your partner or your mom or yaya to do it for you. Cge dear.. ingat po. Muah.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      thanks sis. I’ll try to take it easy starting right now. In the meantime, Ihave to prepare milk kasi she’s waking up again 🙂 I’ll keep your advice in mind 🙂

  4. I experienced this too sis. Your doctor’s right, try to go out. That’s what I did after experiencing my lowest, my husband took me out for some food trip to cheer me up. Maybe it’s the exhaustion and loneliness you feel. Labanan mo sis kasi sabi nga nila, kung ano yung nafifeel ng mommy, nafifeel din ng baby.
    Naku, parang baby ko rin pala yan, walang tulugan, parang call center ang shift nya. Gising sa gabi, tulog sa araw.

    • hangingbridge Says:

      hi sis, exhausted? yes. But never lonely 🙂 kasi andito na si baby. I’m trying to lift my spirits in all possible way that I can while confined in this house. By the way, I started training for work today for four hours. It’s a time out from baby although, I still keep thinking about her… not worrying much than usual though. I left her in good hands of a really caring yaya.

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