Momentarily Reunited

There are numerous times when I made my mother cry. 

First of many was the day I was going to be born.  When I was probably kicking to get out of her tummy along with the her contractions, she was afraid of the idea of giving birth in St.Luke’s Hospital and insisted that the driver and her sister take her back to the province where she can give birth via midwife.  My father was not around because he was assigned outside Metro Manila for work.  The story that my mother was crying, holding on to a railing and refused to get out of the house, was told many times.

Next couple of times was about having my face made up.  For other daughters, having your mom help you put on make-up was a milestone.  It’s different in my case.  If there are a few girls who loathe having more than lose powder in their face, I’m one of them. 

During special occasions, anticipate a struggle between me and my mother.  She would always take out her make-up kit and jewelry box for me.  And I would always have a plea ready so that she would not make me wear any of it.  

I made her cry during my grade school graduation when I still refused to wear her make up and jewelry.  I probably said something harsh just so to stop her from making me do what she wanted.  I saw her crying afterwards.  I heard her say to my father, all she wanted was to make me at par with the rest of my friends during that day and that there was no point in working so hard when their children wasn’t able to appreciate her efforts.  I felt remorseful but I couldn’t take anything back anymore.  The good thing was I learned my lesson.  She didn’t have to use a belt (unlike my father) to teach me a lesson.

The morning after I received the news that I passed the boards, I went downstairs to share the news with my parents.  But when my parents opened their bedroom door, my mom was already crying with happiness.  It was a relief for me that at that time.  She was finally crying for an entirely good reason and it was all because of me. 

Yesterday (9/2/10) was the most recent episode of my mom crying because of me. This time, I cried with her.  We haven’t seen in more than two months because of my situation.  I’m not even allowed to talk to any of the family members as soon as I made my decision to do what I think what’s best for me and my baby instead of doing what they preferred I’d do. 

I was in Megamall yesterday with my cousin and was waiting for my aunt who came late in the afternoon.  My aunt failed to tell that she was to meet up with my mom at the same time too.  After strolling for a few minutes, she told me that my mother was in Relaksasi where she usually was to have her nails done when she was having a bad day in the office. 

I panicked and was excited at the same time.  Panicked because if I show myself, I wasn’t doing my end of the bargain.  Excited because my mother was so nearby, I haven’t realized until that moment I was really longing to see her.  When my aunt told me that my mom didn’t know I was also around, I had second thoughts.  I thought that she might not want to see me at all. 

But my aunt was very persistent and my cousin assured me that my mom would only be happy to see me.  And so I entered the small spa.  It took a moment for me to show myself because impending tears were choking me.  I was thankful of the curtains inside which hid me from my mom.  I was very hesitant and wanted to turn and get out but  I really wanted to see my mommy.

So I showed myself and hugged her as soon as I saw her seating there with her feet up.  I haven’t been this happy to see her in my entire life.  No one was saying anything.  All we both could do was cry. 

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about other people and avoiding the topic about my situation.  After she was through with her pedicure and massage, we headed for a quick meal in her trusted deli, Almon Marina, and had to go separate ways.  She had to hurry up because my father was probably hungry since it was past dinner time.  She promised me that she wasn’t going to tell my daddy (who set the rules of zero communication) so that I won’t get in more trouble.  I hugged her one more time before she went out of the restaurant.  And then she had to go back and hugged me once more and I saw that she was about to cry again.  I told her then that she need not worry because I was really doing more than okay considering that I wasn’t under their watchful eye. 

I realized then and there, that I have to do good in the future.  I have to surpass or at least, meet their expectations of me.  I needed to do that for their happiness and peace of mind. 

The momentary reunion with my mom felt like the happiest moments in my entire life.  My mother and I don’t see eye to eye about anything but it has not broken our bond.  I realized that yesterday.  Even if I was to go on my separate ways and even if I was already the adult that I am, I will always be her child who will always look for her mother.  My mother will always be my biggest and complete source of comfort.


5 Responses to “Momentarily Reunited”

  1. I can sense your happiness on this post sis! At the same time, I can feel your pain, especially with not being able to spend more time with your Mom. I hope that in the near future, you’ll be able to enjoy each other’s company as often as you want to…I lost my Mama to cancer about 4 months ago, and I still long for her presence, so I have an inkling as to how it feels like to not have your mom around 😦

    • hangingbridge Says:

      so sorry to hear about your mom 😦 somehow, we are both missing the same person in our lives right now. Sana sis, it’s in the Lord’s plan that all of us will be in the loving arms of our moms in the end.

      • Oo nga sis…I honestly hope you’ll get to be with your Mom na ulit the soonest possible time. Ako naman, just glad na din that my Mom is finally free from physical pain, and that she’s with the Lord now. 🙂 I really admire you for your courage sis, keep it up! You serve as an inspiration to others, including me…:)

  2. your post is so personal… thanks for sharing your feelings sis. namiss ko tuloy mommy ko

    • hangingbridge Says:

      🙂 I’m not afraid to share personal stuff with strangers. I’m more afraid to share these stuff for those people who actually know me in person. Ewan ko ba? 🙂

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