Top 3 Ways I Don’t Want To Feel
This was inspired by a question in a certain local forum. The thread in that forum got me into thinking. And I got my top three.
Remorse. Regret. Jealousy.
Unfortunately, no matter what I do, there isn’t a year that has passed that I don’t encounter these most unpleasant feelings.
I have a bad temper. When I do have them, I throw a huge temper tantrum. It’s disgusting and shameful display of uncontrollable anger considering that I’m already old enough to suppress these fits. And during that temper tantrums, I say mean words that I don’t really mean.
Remorse. When someone asks for my help and I turn down the chance to do something for this person, I feel really bad about myself. I mean I don’t get a chance to help out everyday, a chance that could actually redeem a part of my soul.
Remorse. Buddha says, “The tongue like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood”. Most of the time, I feel remorse from the words I speak out. It seems that at that time, it was the best thing I could think of saying. And then, a few hours after, I realize that it was the worst thing I could say at that moment. This is the reason why it is better for me to write what I want to say. Because by writing, I could review and edit what I need to replace or remove from a phrase before the other person could even read it. I don’t have the gift of gab. And probably, I’m just not diplomatic enough.
Remorse. I don’t intend to make fun of people. Unfortunately, it happens. I don’t like demeaning any of them. But there are those time when I find it so appealing to do just that. It’s not that I’m hateful or anything. I just find them amusing to the point that I’m mocking them. It’s a no-no. Fortunately enough, I have more self control than ever.
– – – – Going to finish this when I come back on Sunday
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