I’ve been drinking soda for the past four days and I don’t like it.  I think those combo meals make it really hard not to drink soda.  It feels like you’re wasting money if you don’t drink them.

But come to think of it, I will be wasting more time and money if I get sick.  So on Monday, I’d decline the glass of soda.  I also left the stub I got this morning.  It says there that I’m going to have a free upsize for my soda drink on my next visit.  I left it on the table and is up for grabs.

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I went window shopping in 7 Eleven awhile ago.  I was looking at all the junk foods they are offering.  But none appealed to me.  I left with nothing.  It was good exercise though.

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Currently, I’m working in a company where most employees are complaining everyday without exception.  I don’t know how they do it but the management makes it a point to harass the employees with some threat or reminder.

I think they’re power tripping because of the bond they are withholding from their employees.

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I’m going to leave this company as soon as the contract ends.  It’s too bad.  I like that it’s so easy to work here.  And I feel the same kind of fulfillment when I work in another company or field.  But then, the management is ruining everything, not just for me, but for the rest of us.

I love coffee basically because of the way it taste. And somehow, it picks me but maybe this is all just psychological crap on my part. It really doesn’t do much to me just the same way as water does.

I don’t easily palpitate with coffee. In fact, I haven’t palpitated by drinking coffee.

I started drinking coffee when I was in fourth grade. My father started to prepare half cup of coffee for my sister and me. It was him that started our addiction… ehem… our love for coffee. Ironically, my father is not a coffee drinker. He’d rather have hot tea or warm water. I think he just saw the need for us to have coffee at such an early age because it was so hard for us to wake up early in the morning.

My sister and I are so sluggish that my father had to say everything in a booming voice every morning so that we could pay attention. I think it’s tiring for him to do that all the time, hence, he saw it fit to have reinforcements like coffee.

But right now, I feel that coffee won’t do me any good.  It’s not an energy drink.  There’s not enough caffeine in one cup that could pump my adrenaline in order to pay attention at work today.

Ugh! It is really hard when you’re running out of energy.  I haven’t been listening to my students enough to understand what they were trying to tell me in class.

You can never rely on coffee to help you do a good job most of the time.

My eyelids are not the only ones that feel heavy right now. My whole body is about to give way. I couldn’t sit upright.

I slept late last night like most work nights. I like to think that I’m able to juggle two jobs a day but I don’t really find it easy.

I’m also not able to sleep in between jobs because when my daughter wakes up, I prefer playing with her. Snuggling with her keeps me awake. I should have brought my baby to work.

She’s my cup of coffee.

I also remember that it was also joyful to wake up at the sound of an AM radio that gave us a hint that there was a storm and we didn’t have to go to school.

Now that I’m all grown up and playing responsible, I don’t need any rude awakenings from my father  (but I truly miss it).  I am the one who wakes up by myself.  And I refrain from being groggy when I wake up.  Instead, I’m up and running and looking at the time all the time.  Unlike school, I cannot be late for work.  It will cost me a lot.

Also, I don’t hear the AM radio in the morning anymore looking out for storm signals.  It wouldn’t bring me joy like before because I still have to go to work, with or without a storm.

This is just part of being a grown up.  Before, I have anticipated and I was anxious about it at the same time.  But now, I’m here.  It’s not so scary anymore.  You’re too busy to be scared when you’re an adult.  I love it.

What I don’t like about being all of this is that I don’t think my dad knows how much we still need him.  It would really be nice to let him know that we need to hear from him everyday.  I miss my father.  It’s hard to miss someone who’s physically present but so far away.  Sigh!

1.  Ask how much the townhouse cost.

- My parents are selling their house which was used only for three months (and that was when I was pregnant and in hiding).  I’m planning to sell it for them.

2. Remind the nanny to wipe Via’s face, hands and toes three times a day.

- Via is putting everything in her mouth including her toes.  I want them clean before she sucks on them.

3. Fill up Korean Visa Application.

- We’re planning to visit Seoul.  Yay!  And I want to leave as soon as possible during my first month at my new work because I’m not yet entitled to an incentive at this time.  So, this is the best time to absent myself from work (never mind the bad record).  It really won’t make any difference in the salary I’m going to receive.

4. Complete the requirements for work.

5. Start completing the requirements for another work

- It’s what I’m preparing for – with all the studying I’m doing and with all the renewing of license (both PTR and PRC licenses).  I have the long list with me and I don’t really know where I should start.   Thinking about it stresses me out.

6.  Grocery shopping.

- Our cook is going away for her vacation (and I’m not sure if she’s coming back).  And so, I need to have something to make me sandwiches everyday.  I don’t know how to cook.  And I wouldn’t really like to wake up earlier than 3:45am just to cook my brunch.   And I’m thinking sandwiches are my best bet for a hearty brunch.

7. Finalize the itinerary.

I’m surfing the net ( www.visitseoul.net ) in order to maximize our short trip to Seoul.  I plan to tour the place using the subways.  And there’s so many of them.  I think I need a print out of the web pages I have been surfing.  Sigh!

8. Remind my father that he needs to have a check-up.

- He has the flu.  And since, he’s not really that young anymore, I think he needs to visit the doctor.

I know I have forgotten something.  I should have written them down last night.

They allow a limited number of websites here at work.  I think most companies have blocked Facebook from their internet connection.  And they don’t have Google.  That means I can’t access my blogs in Blogger.Com.

That’s okay.  I can always have WordPress anytime.

So I’m back writing in On A Daily Basis.

And I think I’m going to do this Monday to Friday.  Meanwhile, I can only post in Blogger.Com during the weekends whenever I have free time at home.

I came across this blogpost today:  http://chicogarcia.wordpress.com/2011/05/10/justin-bieber-vip-ticket-giveaway-winner/

It was so heart-warming.  I was teary-eyed.  I know the hardships of being a parent these days.  I even cry myself sometimes when I think about the things I couldn’t buy for my own kid.  And the daddy-rapper hit the spot.

It didn’t just tug at my heart.  It even broke it to pieces causing me to tear up at work.  Thank you for DJ Chico for sharing this podcast on his blog.

First of all, it was not my idea to have my kid baptized yet even though everyone keeps telling me that kids her age should have already been baptized.  She is 2 months old, by the way. 

I don’t conforme.  And I don’t care what tradition says.  I would like to get my daughter baptize when I feel it is time to have her baptized. 

But the elders are so annoyingly persistent that I have to agree eventually so that they can stop bugging me about it.  They keep saying that my kid may easily get “sick” and may be prone to “usog“  if I don’t have her baptized soon.  I have an entirely different belief about all of this but they just wouldn’t stop. 

Some people think they can just impose what they want on others.  It’s annoying and rude – especially when they’re not related to you. 

There’s this person who is a family friend who has been the root cause of all this.  She thinks she just can bully anyone with her beliefs.  I have been very polite but this is the last straw.  I am never going to talk to her again. 

Here’s what happened:

I wanted to have my kid baptized with both parents present.  That means me and Via’s papa.  That is why I kept putting the baptism on hold because we wanted to plan it ourselves. 

And here comes the worm who keeps crawling and interfering into our family.  She’s brainwashing my parents to get my daughter baptized as soon as possible as if it was a national emergency.  I told her my concern that Via’s papa may not be allowed to attend if my parents were to shoulder the baptism.  I told her and everyone else, including my mother, that I will only allow it if it’s OKAY to have my boyfriend attend the ceremony. 

When they said yes, I wonder if they knew the meaning of “okay” because in my mind, “okay” means there wouldn’t be any “pabigat sa loob nila” if Via’s papa was to attend.  I didn’t want to impose on my parents.  If they don’t want my boyfriend within hearing, smelling or seeing range, then I won’t have this baptism take place because we are in no rush!

So I thought all along that it was really okay with my parents.  So in a week’s time, my mother and I planned the baptism of my daughter while Via’s papa had the documents ready – birth certificate and permission from her parish.

S0 yesterday came. 

Via’s papa, upon reaching the church, saw my father and approached him to pay respects by making “mano“.  But my father took his hand away and told my bf something only a “matapobre” would say.  I have not known my father as such.  I knew he is a good person but this time, I thought otherwise.  I let it pass that time. 

When the ceremony was about to start, my parents walked out just because they saw my boyfriend carrying our baby.  It seemed to me that they walked out on my Via.  I wanted to take my baby out of the church by that time.  But thinking about the guests and the fact that I don’t want them to know what’s going on, I decided to endure the whole thing.  But tears were building up until I couldn’t contain them anymore.  I was wiping my tears just so no one would notice.  But my bestfriend, her husband and my bf noted that I was already crying. My back was turned to the other godparents and guests so they didn’t notice that I felt tortured at the moment. 

I thought that walking out on my anak during her baptism was the last straw.  I couldn’t understand why they have to lie to me about my boyfriend joining the ceremony being okay.  They could just have told the truth that it wasn’t and we wouldn’t be there in the first place.  It wouldn’t really matter to us anyway, if may anak would already be able to sit when she gets baptized.  Or it wouldn’t really matter if my bf and I were the only people when my Via gets baptized.  We really don’t need the luncheon after. 

Another terrible thing was my cousin, probably upon my mother’s orders, kept getting my daughter from my bf’s arms.  And when the ceremony was over, my cousin took my daughter and ran out of the church.  When I saw that, I really got mad and ran after her.  My mother was gesturing our driver to get the van quick.  I felt they wanted to get Via away. 

I am so mad thinking about it right now. How dare they take away my baby without permission?!  Sobrang galit ko kahapon.  I got my baby and got into the van myself.  And then I couldn’t contain it anymore.  I got, least to say, hysterical.  I was screaming at everyone who came near me and my baby.  I don’t know what came over me but I was screaming like I had Tourette’s syndrome.  All I remember were the words “Leche kayo”.  If the priest witnessed that scene, he would have fetched a liter of that holy water and poured them over me. 

They keep taking away my baby from me and her father.  Gusto ko talaga magwala pero sa sasakyan ko nalang binuhos.  I knew people can hear me scream inside the van only after it transpired but even so, I didn’t regret it one bit.

I keep telling everyone to get off the van because my baby and I were going straight home.  But them people insisted on staying inside to drive off for lunch to celebrate.  What the heck?  Can’t they sense that I’m in no mood for food that time? (One of those rare occasions)

When we reached the place where everyone was supposed to celebrate the Christening, I told everyone to go inside and that we will follow suit.  I was about to ask our driver to drive Via, Yaya and me back home when I saw a couple of my friends go inside the restaurant.  I did a double take.  I’m not hysterical enough to abandon people who I invited in the first place.  Medyo nakakahiya.  Parang natauhan ako bigla na there are other people here that I also need to attend to.  So I have to put peace and quiet on hold for another hour or so. 

During lunch, I stayed in the other function room away from my parents and the rest of my relatives.  I had friends with me who weren’t there during the baptism and therefore, had no idea what happened. 

… I was able to compose myself enough to smile in pictures and people who had nothing to do with how disastrous this supposed-to-be special day was.

… Also, Via’s father decided not to attend the luncheon and I also thought it was for the best.

I have laser hair removal sessions and underarm whitening treatments that I stopped once I got pregnant last year.  Prior to my pregnancy, they have warned me that the procedure is contraindicated to pregnant women.  I have shrugged off that warning  a year ago not knowing that it is one piece of information I had to remember. 

The underarm whitening treatments were always a breeze.  I have to say otherwise about the laser hair removal procedure though because it reminds me of being in a dental chair.  There is no way to avoid the pain. 

While waiting for  the therapist(??) to get her supplies. I took self-portraits thru the mirror cabinets.

They apply a number of mixtures on your skin and then scrape it off to apply another one.  And then they leave the most sweet-smelling mixture for 30 to 40 minutes before wiping it off again.

I have “before treatment” pictures of my underarm but I wouldn’t want to subject my readers to more agony than they should.  I plan to compare the after treatment results at the end of all procedures.

Early last night, my mother came into my room to persuade me into attending mass in the nearby church (Christ The King) because the relic of St.Therese was “visiting” the parish.  She tried but I just wouldn’t budge. 

I am not a religious person in the traditional Filipino sense. I am Catholic but somehow, I’m not strictly practicing the ways of being one.  I sometimes prefer going to church when the mass is over and there’s no more crowd so that I can pray in peace.  (By the way, I love going to Santa Clara church along Katipunan.)  So it would really be a big effort on my part to go to mass at the spur of the moment when I’m not entirely in the mood for it.  (Note that I do pray everyday, mostly to say thank you.) 

My mother resorted to making me feel guilty by saying that I’m not saying no to her but to God when I refuse to go to church with her whenever she feels like it.  Sigh! 

Right after she left, I found the need to look for a CD case because I was finally sorting and saving pictures of my daughter.  I rummaged one cabinet wherein I pulled out my Starbucks 2005 planner from beneath all the other notebooks and pads I had. 

If you remember the planner of five years ago, it had postcard and envelope inserts in between months.  The very page I was on upon opening it up had an envelope still stuck on its page.  I opened the envelope and saw that there was a piece of printed paper in it.  It was a poem made my St.Therese herself. 

I had goosebumps.  On the very same hour that my mother was trying to convince me to go to church to see the relic of St.Therese, I found her poem inserted in an envelope inserted in a planner of 2005 which I pulled out from beneath piles of my stuff that I haven’t touched for more than a year now.  

I read the poem and felt so happy for no tangible reason.

A Poem by St.Therese “The Little Flower”

May today there be peace within.

May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on

the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into our bones,

and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to bask

in the sun.

It is there for each and every one of you.

It’s too good not to share with anyone.  It is very reassuring for someone like me right now.

After a couple of hours, mom came home and gave me and Via a white rose.

We left this morning for a roadtrip to Bulacan.  We were invited to make a visit to a known “Magtatawas” or “Hilot” (local healer) in barangay Pulong Buhangin.  The purpose of which is to “heal” any binat that I have (if I have any) from giving birth. 

Before I agreed to this trip, I keep asking why do I need to go out of town for something I don’t really believe in.  I believe in logical explanations and procedures and this one isn’t offering me any.

I agreed for the sake of complying to my mother’s (and my cousin’s) insistence.  Also, I could use a time out from my kid.  (Sorry Via but you are just getting heavier and heavier and my back needs a break.)

So off to the winding and rocky road to the home of this Magtatawas.  We got there around 11am.  We were next in line of the Magtatawas’ visitors of the day.

The place was very provincial and it was a drastic change the city two hours away. 

At the end of the hut was an altar making the whole place a very rustic humble chapel-like framework. 

The Magtatawas was sitting on a bench.  I thought the lady magtatawas was one of the guests.  She was sitting beside a round tin basin of water and was wondering what it was for until she began her short ritual.

She summoned me to sit beside her.  She was looking at me intently when I did which made me uncomfortable.  By the way, her eyes were a nice shade of caramel brown.  Then somebody handed her an itak or a machete.  I was only alarmed when I realized it was scalding hot when it was used to melt the candle sticks we brought with us.  The melted wax dripped unto the water basin.  And thus the wax solidifies and forms in varied shapes.

She did that three times and formed the three above.  From the solidified wax, she told me things she could have known only if she asked me herself.  I am not a believer of such practices.  The only problem was she was somehow really capable of what she says she could do. 

She told me I was about to get married to another person when I met the father of my kid among other things.  She said that I truly love the person that I am with right now.  The problem was she saw from those three that I was going to be the primary bread winner in the family if we are to pursue building our family together.  Well, it wasn’t a problem for me but it was to those who heard her say it.  They were totally against me marrying someone who can’t provide as well as my parents could.  (Truth is, I don’t know if I could provide my child the same way my parents provided for us… so patas lang LOL!)

I don’t know what the problem was with women being the primary bread winner of the family because she earns more than her husband.  I don’t get it.  What’s bad is if the husband just lies around the house rather than doing his best to earn for the family.  This is not the old times when the wife stays at home, relaxes or does the housework while the men works day in and out in order to put food on the table. 

What I didn’t like about the visit was when she told me that I should split up with the father of my Via because I could find someone better.  I know she meant well but her reasons were not enough to break some people apart. 

Another thing is that people around me kept saying that Via doesn’t need to have a complete family.  They said that I was enough for my baby.  What they don’t understand is this:  I prefer to provide my child a complete and happy family because that was how I was raised up.  I don’t think we would be this happy if my father was missing. 

(I slightly veered away from the topic already.) 

It’s always a wonder how some special people can read you with or without a medium like the Magtatawas.  I’m curious how they do that.  It’s like a super human ability if not super power to actually read into someone else’s life without actually being there.  There are so many people around who claims that they can (in exchange for money) and there are only few who can actually do so.

The Magtatawas we encountered does not leave her home.  She does not advertise her work.  It was by word of mouth that people have come to know that she exist.  She sits there on the bench waiting all day and people just come and ask her to do what she does best.